VAS Ramayan - Part 1

No, VAS is not SMS language for VAlmiki’S! Atrocious! It still means the same – Value Added Services and here I talk about the mobile value added services you have currently and also a few you can experience in the near future.

My mama once said, “Son, whatever you do in life, always remember your culture”. This seems to have left an indelible impression in my mind. As I sit here and think of mobile value added services, I remember my culture and my mind drifts to the Ramayan and it drifts to a Ramayan with advanced mobile VAS, the VAS RAMAYAN. For the uninitiated, you can buy a copy of Ramayan here. Yeah, I was wondering how things in the Ramayan could have changed had the VAS market exploded a little earlier and here they go…

1. Ram needn’t have lent his pair of slippers for ruling a kingdom! Videoconferencing through the mobile using 3G connections would have ensured he had his policies well discussed with his ministers back at Ayodhya while he chilled in the forests.
2. Imagine Ravan could monitor his sister Surpanakha using a GPS enabled mobile phone, he could have thwarted her from getting into trouble with the Ram/Lakshman brothers and hence no Ramayan would have happened. Imagine the epic Ramayan on one side and the number of pages used to write it on another and what could have been saved! Duh, our restrooms say “Please pull only one thanks!!”
3. Now why did Hanuman have to uproot one full mountain for the sake of a herb! One full mountain!! Where were the environmentalists!! De-mountaination!! He could have used mobile search and maps to track the exact coordinates of the herb and gently plucked it off!
4. A mobile embedded with a biochip could have been used to exactly gauge the problem Lakshman faced when he was injured during the war with Ravan. This biochip uses blood sample to transmit necessary information wirelessly to a doctor who diagnoses the problem. Yes, you read it right!
5. Poor Hanuman needn’t have torn his heart to justify his loyalty to Ram and Sita. A video chat or MMS from Ram could have done the trick!
6. Sources close to the protagonists say that Sita waited and waited for Ram to rescue her and got exasperated. Quite natural! She could have instead downloaded movies and games on her mobile to keep herself occupied. “The Return of Hanuman” could have been an optimistic movie choice.

Now, what crap was all that, you wonder! Opportunities for mobile marketing are bellowing in there, I say. You may throw in all the logic and dispute the whole VAS RAMAYAN. Thanks heaps, I know it is illogical. But, is that the point?!!! Anyways, logic is a tad old fashionedJ. There are some things that are here to stay. Both Ramayan and VAS are!! Keep watching this space for a mobile advertising enabled Ramayan!

Meanwhile, how else do you think could VAS have helped???

VAS Ramayan - Part 2

This post is a sequel to the earlier post “VAS Ramayan” on Mobile Value Added Services.

Ya, you must be thinking “Hmm, err….sequels usually follow something which is a hit, don’t they?” .

My mama once said, “Son, whatever you do in life, don’t worry about the returns; just put your heart into it”. Mama obviously hadn’t envisaged a recession where everybody demands ROI for advertising expenditure. Does mobile guarantee you that? Let us cut the theory out and get back to our VAS Ramayan. As we saw, there were various instances where VAS could have been used in Ramayan. Now would advertisers during the time of Ramayan sit aplomb and do nothing about it? I bet my salary (not much of a bet you say?!!!) they would have been pouncing at every opportunity. How you wonder? Let us go back to VAS Ramayan and re-script the story. Here we go, point by point!

1. Ah! Videoconferencing! Ram using videoconferencing to run his kingdom. Imagine an LCD TV ad flashes on the screen explaining the advanced LCD screen features.
2. Surpanakha getting herself into trouble by asking the Ram-Lakshman duo out!! The time has come, dear Ravan, when every brother assumes responsibility. Up pops a banner of a matrimonial service on Ravan’s mobile phone. Oh! Not ready yet??!! The banner is followed by a dating service ad with a “Click to Call” facility.
3. Hanuman in search of the herb. How can pharmaceutical companies forego this opportunity? Hanuman is bombarded with messages giving him routes to the nearest medical store where the capsule version of the herb is available. Oops! Hanuman forgot his purse back home. No problem, Sire! Thou can pay with the balance in thy SIM card.
4. Biochip to diagnose health disorders, is it? Multi-specialty, super-specialty hospitals equipped in curing the diagnosed disorder scurry with their messaging campaigns and advertise to the injured war party.
5. Ram doing a video chat with Sita. Sri Lanka tourism board sends ads to their respective handsets of the places they can tour. An intelligent travel portal follows and sends the details of the cheapest air tickets between their respective destinations. Oh! Sorry if there were airplanes then why would Ram construct a bridge in the fist place? Err…does it spoil the Ramayan script?
6. Oh Sita watching “The Return of Hanuman”!! An adaptive internal recommending machine, suggests her other movies on similar themes; “People who watched this movie also watched – “Troy”, “ Dilwale Dulhaniya le Jaenge”, “Talaash: The Hunt Begins” “. You can even order a DVD.

Yeah, I agree, some of the ads mentioned above might not be possible without interfacing with multiple systems and a lot of other processes. But the possibilities are limitless. Now when was Hanuman most likely to entertain a pharmaceutical advertisement? When he is building bridges for Ram or when he is burning Lanka down or when he is searching for a herb for Ram to cure him? Talking about contextual ads, what could be more contextual?? Now does mobile guarantee you ROI on advertising expenditure? The choice is for you to make!!

P.S: The subscriber’s permission has been taken before sending them advertisements in the VAS Ramayan. They are perfectly aware of the DND (Do Not Disturb) registry and all the marketing was permission based.

A homosexual

I believe in a world where I would be treated at par with the rest

I believe in a world where I am considered as straight as everybody else

I believe in a world my predilections are acknowledged and not treated as a disease

I believe in a world where my partner’s gender is not decided based on mine

I believe in a world where I am not mocked or jeered at

I believe in a world where my basic interests are not made to collide with that of the constitution

I believe in a world where I am ‘gay’ because I am happy

I believe in a world where queer words are associated with queer people

I believe in a world with homogenous rights

I believe in a realistic world

Do you?

Badla Mod - The revenge with a twist

A seething pain tore through Harry’s scar. He sprang up on his bed, dazed and disturbed at the same time. The pain he had almost forgotten for long had resurfaced out of nowhere. It couldn’t be Voldemort, for the Dark Lord had been vanquished 20 years back. Or was Harry wrong.....Harry, after his victory over Voldemort had hallucinations about Voldemort coming back through some dark magic. But, as time passed by Harry dismissed such paranoid thoughts. Today, everything came gushing back to him. Something was not right. As Harry scampered out of bed, he realized with a lump in his throat that Ginny was missing. As his eyes darted around the room searching for Ginny, Harry’s eyes noticed something in the air through the window which sent a shiver down his spine. It was the shape of a skull with a snake coming out of its mouth. The Dark Mark. Harry instantly picked up his wand but was unable to comprehend what was happening. As Harry rushed to the window, a tall hooded figure swished down beside him. “Hello Potter” the figure said, “How long has it been? I have been waiting resiliently to meet you.” Harry was numbed, he did not know what to feel, his heart longed to see Ginny but his mind looked at the figure standing in front of him and for the first time Harry fumbled in saying the name – “V-v-v-oldemort”. “Potter”, said the Dark Lord twirling his wand in his hand, “When you surrendered to me in the Forbidden forest, I cast the AvadaKedavra on you. If you realise Potter, the AvadaKedavra has its most powerful effect only if it is meant with true intent at the person you are casting it at. When I cast the spell, it was YOU I intended to kill and never the part of my soul that was within you as a Horcrux. Naturally, due to the power of the curse the Horcrux within you was battered, but not killed and it tried to free itself from your body. Like wands, Horcruxes too have an uncanny attachment to where/whom they belong to. The Horcrux couldn’t merge with me and it was attracted to this object you had which had already housed a Horcrux for a long duration. The resurrection stone, Potter, remember it falling off your hand?” Harry could see the smile of victory on Voldemort’s face as he continued. “My soul embedded itself with the resurrection stone and lay there in the forbidden forests, keeping me alive. And here I am, once again proving your old man Dumbledore wrong and rising from the dead.”

Voldemort continued, “But I am a changed man now, Harry” and removed the hood from his head. Harry looked at him and Voldemort almost resembled a cabbage with blotches here and there indicative of eyes and mouth. Harry burst out laughing, “Dude, you are kidding me.” “No”, shrieked Voldemort and then went running and hugged Harry. Somewhere a mosquito swallowed a whale. Soul and soul (or is it Horcrux and Horcrux) united. “You know Potty”, said Voldemort, “the only reason I am alive today is to ask for forgiveness. As I was wandering around in the form of a soul, I came across some books of Business Ethics. When I read it, I understood the true meaning of life and immediately started repenting for my acts. “Harry tried to soothe Voldemort and asked, “But why the Dark Mark?”

“You know Potty; nowadays I am into paintings, billboards and all....” explained Voldemort.

Both of them laughed and went to bed. Harry finally understood what Dumbledore had once said, “Only love and love alone will overpower Voldemort”.

It was later heard that Harry had divorced Ginny.

You

Sparkling with a mystic beauty in your eyes

A childlike smile throwing everything to the skies

You stand there and bore into me

“Bring back everything” seems to be the decree.....

Was it when you first set foot in the room?

Was it when our eyes first met initiating the bloom?

Or was it when we shared a seat?

That I knew “We should meet”.......

Nothing stopped us after that,

As I brood over it now

An array of pantomime flashes at the drop of a hat

The questions were always “when, where, how”......

Obstructions were many, we overcame

There was never enough time, like we cared

There were others too, did they matter?

There was only one thing, “Can we chatter?”

For whenever I spoke to you

I felt the pulsating beauty of life

If to spend time with you was all that I had to do

So be it, I knew it would “never be rife”

Was it that we went very fast?

For it never occurred to me that we were approaching our last,

I always thought we did be in touch,

But now I realised I had lost my crutch.

What would I do if one day you were not around?

A new aspect of life that I had found,

I always used to imagine and wonder,

But never did I know it was not very yonder......

But I knew I had to keep moving

Though I was doubtful if I could find somebody as approving

An attempt to wean and a happiness of guile,

For I know you would have always wanted me to smile.

Sparkling with a mystic beauty in your eyes

A childlike smile throwing everything to the skies

You stand there and bore into me

As I look at your picture and smile back at thee

“Bring back everything” seems to be my plea....